Among The Stars
by Ohyesidid
Summary: James T. Kirk has felt many things over the years, looking to the stars has always made him feel better. Looking at them again he reflects on his past. One-Shot.


Star Trek 2009

I do not own Star Trek or its Characters. Thank you for reading my story, I haven't written from Kirks POV before, so we will see how it goes.

I can remember since I was little looking up at the stars and feeling angry or abandoned.

And I was both, angry at my dad for dying for leaving me and Sam alone with the monster Frank, and angry at mom for letting him into the house.

You try not to be angry, after all they are your parents, and you are supposed to love them like they are supposed to love you. But that isn't always true, no not when one dies and the other can't look you in the eye.

It wasn't till I got older and smarter that I realized I was being abandoned too. My dad I can't really blame, oh I have tried over the last 25 years of my life. I couldn't at first because he was my father, then because I realized it wasn't his choice.

My mother on the other hand is a completely different story, she did abandon me. Every time she left the house or went up into space. Leaving Sam and I alone with Frank, I hardly ever saw her. I can't even remember what her voice sounds like.

Sammy too, when he ran away leaving me the last Kirk standing in that house.

I was angry and hurt for many years, getting into fights and arrested. I know the Sherriff by name and his kids, grandkids; they send me a Christmas card every year.

So I would find myself gazing up at the stars on my bad nights, drunk or sober I would look up. Think about where I would be if someone just hung around for me.

After years of bad behavior I stopped being angry and felt a deep sorrow instead. I knew nothing was going to change, they were gone and not coming back. Sometimes I didn't even go out I would just sit in my yard looking up.

I had moved out when I turned 16, no way was I staying there anymore. I graduated high school years earlier and truthfully haven't been there for years longer. Mom came home once to find me gone called the police who took me back; once she was gone again I left.

Got a job and my own place but I still had that void so I drank and fought, nothing worked, and then my life got better.

Christopher Pike was a noble man, a nice guy who tried to get me to join Starfleet with a dare to be better than my father. I never wanted to be better than my father but I did want more, I wanted to be in the stars.

I wasn't going to get myself there so I joined. I meet Bones there, great guy and my best friend; he kept me out of trouble as best he could anyway. Still drank and got into fights just not for the same reasons.

I put to rest those feeling of anger and abandonment, now I look at the stars with a whole new feeling. My mind would go back to mom and Sam sometime. I would wonder where they were if they thought about me.

Silly, I am James T. Kirk I don't need anyone, but it still hurt when I found out Sam had got married and I didn't know. That I wasn't invited, mom was but not me. I went drinking that weekend I have no idea what I did and Bones wouldn't tell me.

It happened really fast my hearing then I was on the Enterprise trying to save the world. I fought hard and tried with everything I had to save Vulcan but I couldn't.

My new feeling was guilt; I still feel it when my mind wonders that way. Spock found me illogical and emotional but now I would say we are friends. As Captain of the Enterprise I find myself in many dangerous situations and I love it.

In the stars where I always wanted to be even when I couldn't admit it to myself, especially during my childhood, but I love the stars.

Standing on the observation deck looking out I feel content with my life. I have the stars my ship, crew, best friend and first officer. I don't need anything else, well maybe a scotch.

"What's on your mind kid?" Bones is a saint he should be sleeping not coming to find me.

"Bones shouldn't you be sleeping you've had a 12 hour day?" I know as soon as I say it, it won't work not on Bones he knows me too well.

"Nice try kid, what are you doing up here? It's been a while since you did any star gazing."

I turn to face him leaning against the glass and sigh. Yes why am I up here? Oh right my brother wants to chat. It's been 15 years since I spoke to him and now he wants to what reconnect.

"Sam called today left me a message to call him back."

Taking his time to lean next to me we both stare at the wall across from us, this is what I love about Bones, he doesn't rush things. He lets me be the arrogant, bad boy, former drunk and give everyone the I am fine's.

"What did he want exactly?"

"I don't know he didn't say, just call him back. I have no desire to talk to him I may have let go of all that resentment I had but I have not forgiven him for leaving me there."

Not looking at each other we think about the situation, I can do a lot of things but I was never good at talking about myself. With Bones I wasn't given a choice he made me, and I feel better for it.

"Maybe he wants to make amends, settle things, and be brothers?" It's a good thought; I have no idea if it's true. Sam and I have both changed in the years we have been apart.

"It's not like all is forgiven if you talk to him, just find out what he has to say first."

Yes that's a good plan all I have to do is find out what he wants or not. All is not forgiven but I have grown up in the last couple years. I would like to think I can handle one conversation with my only brother.

I give Bones a smile as we make our way out of the observation deck, I am where I want to be why not spread a little good will.

That was sitting in my head all day and I had to get it out. Not sure what you think but I liked it thought it turned out well. This is a one-shot just on Jim's thoughts as Captain. Peace.


End file.
